I am going through a bit of a CrossFit mood swing at the moment. Last week I felt on top of the world: I Rx’d Fran, I’ve made a bunch of PR’s in the last month, and I’m having great physical results from the zone diet. This week, however, I’m feeling exhausted, weak, kind of lame, and I think I might have only done 2 snatches in one of my 3-snatch sets this morning but can’t quite remember for sure.
This is not the first time that I have had a little bit of a slump in my CrossFit enthusiasm. And I think what it comes down to is that now, almost a year into CrossFit, I am struggling to find my place in the CrossFit community as a whole. I definitely have a place in the community at my box, but even then I sometimes feel like I am not taken seriously. And if there is one thing in my life that I feel like I have struggled with more than anything, it’s not running, or even wall balls, but the feeling that I’m not being taken seriously. I think that is part of what drew me to CrossFit in the first place, really: it’s hard to ignore someone who is as physically capable and mentally tough as most CrossFitters. But I don’t feel that way yet.
I know I’ve talked about this before, but here it is again: Being an unathletic person in a very athletic community is tough. And really, there is no logical reason that I should be sticking with CrossFit. My lack of athletic background means that it takes me twice as long as most others to master basic movements; my asthma significantly slows down cardio gains; the mechanics of my petite frame will never allow me to lift heavy enough to be a competitive CrossFitter. The list goes on.
And all of these are things I am usually fine with. But then occasionally I have this reality check. I am totally head over heels for CrossFit–it is by far my favorite sport I’ve ever tried, and this is coming from someone who was a raft guide, worked at a ski resort and skied every day, has backpacked for weeks in the remote mountains of the Yukon, and has rock climbed and ice climbed in some of the most beautiful places on earth. And yet, with all those skills at my fingertips, I find myself in the box every day, trying to throw half my bodyweight over my head, flopping around on the pull-up bar, and running when I would rather be puking. It doesn’t make sense, and it doesn’t make it easy to clearly see where I want to/am able to take CrossFit in the future.
Why does any of this matter, you ask? Why not just enjoy it for what it is and worry about “the future” later? That is a great question, and the answer is, this is just the kind of person I am. I worry about things WAY in advance, I plan and make lists and think about what comes next. But more importantly, I wish that I had some long-term goal or vision that could pull me out of these slumps–something I could look at and say, “Today might have been a hard day, but it will be worth it when X.” Because right now that sentence typically ends with “and tomorrow is probably also going to be like this.”
If you are a CrossFitter, what motivates you? Is it enough for you to be in the box just because it makes you happy? Do you hope to compete one day or become a trainer? Do you even worry about it?
