I have a big two weeks coming up, you guys. My first CrossFit competition ever is this Saturday (holy crap) and then my second CrossFit competition ever is… next Saturday. What on earth was I thinking.
The competition this Saturday is a team comp, and I have to admit that I am WAY more nervous for competition #1 than I am for competition #2. Partially because I’m competing in the scaled division in comp #2, while there is no scaled division for comp #1. But mostly because if I screw up in comp #2, if I DNF, if I pass out or die or whatever, I’m the only person who is affected. In the team competition this weekend, if I fall during a run, or a bar is too heavy, or I can’t finish a WOD, there are 2 other people who that is going to come down on.
I like to think that my self-confidence has made a lot of progress since starting CrossFit a year and a half ago. But then I get sucked into this type of thought process, and everything makes me nervous again. Suddenly my inner thoughts change from “I can do this!” to “Wow, this is going to be hard…” which is dangerously close to “Nope, I’m leaving.” Suddenly I am the exact same person I was on my first day of CrossFit: nervous, anxious, and absolutely positive that everyone else is just sitting there thinking about how slow and weak I am. I know that’s not true, not only is nobody thinking that but I am the fastest and the strongest as I have ever been, but old habits die hard. I could be standing on the podium at the CrossFit Games and still would probably be thinking, “What if everyone here thinks I’m slow?”
So I decided to do a little exercise. If you are like me and, despite all of your hard work, all of the people you know telling you otherwise, all of the evidence to the contrary… if despite all of that, it still only takes about 2 seconds for your thoughts to revert to their old self-deprecating ways, then I encourage you to do this with me.
First, I started by writing down the characteristics of the person who I’m afraid I am… the one I am afraid that people will judge, the one I am embarrassed by, the one I am still trying to get out of my head. In short, a list of all of my insecurities. Sounds like fun, right?
The Person I’m Afraid I Am is…
- Holds others back
- Deserves to come in last place
Yikes. Those are not very nice things to think about myself.
So then I went back and tried to match those things up with positive characteristics, things that correspond with the person I actually am, even if I don’t always believe that about myself.
The Person I Actually Am is…
- Stronger than I’ve ever been before, and putting in extra work to get even stronger
- Faster than I’ve ever been before
- Coachable and always willing to ask for help
- Encouraging and empowering to others
- Deserves to have my hard work pay off
When it comes down to it, I know that everything that you can do physically is almost 100% impacted by whether or not you believe you can do it in the first place. There’s no denying that I’m in big trouble if they program Grace Rx in the comp this weekend, but if I go into the day reminding myself that I am strong, and independent, and I deserve to have my hard work pay off… Well, it sure can’t hurt, can it?